Life is better with friends

I have this little friend, a very special one I might say. Him and his mom were our first friends here in America and they have a special place in my heart. They welcomed us into their home and life even though they knew that we would not stay here indefinitely. While we extended our stay, we would still eventually leave but I think the adults were mostly aware of that, if you are 8 years old it is not really something that you are thinking of all the time (and I think that is a very healthy thing).

Now the moment of our leave comes closer, the little ones start to realize it more and more as well as we talk about it sometimes when we see them. Or it is part of the conversations at their house with their parents.

I wrote about it before, not sure if it was in my Dutch or in this blog, sorry! But the point was that a few weeks ago, within a few days I received a phone call and two texts from friends about their children being so sad about us leaving (up to the point of crying over it). That was hard for us to hear. When we left our family and friends in 2017 we realized that we left them hurting and missing us, we did this to them:-( Now we are moving back, we are realizing some people will be hurting again with us leaving. Our wonderful friends whom we will miss so much as well. We are doing this to them☹. I know it sounds weird, but that is how it sometimes feels to us.

And then there is my little special friend who has a plan. He asked me last week where I keep my plane tickets because he would then go find them in my house and hide them. I told him that plane tickets are in the computer these days, he went back to sledding. But yesterday he came by to bring us some Valentines treats and he asked me where I keep my computer. I told him that we didn’t book our plane tickets yet. He started wondering on how he could hack my computer. I am sure he will try to think of more things to keep us here. It warms my heart that he loves us as much as we love him, but it also pains me and makes me cry some days thinking about missing him and our other friends. Lets be honest, it is not a little drive away for a playdate and/or cup of coffee, it is an 6,5-8 hour flight over the Atlantic Ocean. We did learn in the past few years though that it might be 5600 Kilometers away, but in heart it doesn’t always have to feel that far away. To be totally honest, I have grown closer with my family and a few friends than I think I would’ve if we would have not moved to America. Both me and the people I’m referring to have put in a lot more effort to stay in touch, maybe because the distance was so big. We have had lots of long phone calls and some of them came to visit us and stayed in our house for a few days or even weeks. That made for wonderful and special moments and conversations that we otherwise would not have had. (Lets be honest, how often do you have sleepovers with friends as adults.)

I feel like I already know who will stay in our life, even though we will be so many miles away. I feel that I am so different from when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. I know myself so much better being in my 40’s. And with knowing myself better I think it also is safe to say that friendships you make later in life can fit like a glove. When you are younger you are still getting to know yourself, you build a relationship with a partner, get kids and things sometimes change and you can grow apart. I was talking about that with a friend from Holland this week, one that I got closer to in the past few years of being here, mainly over texts. Before that we were in touch, but not as much as they had moved a few hours north a few years ago. We were talking about how we both feel that there are so many people crossing your paths in life, some stay and some go. I don’t regret any! Some friendships ended painful for me, some maybe for them. But I do feel that everyone crosses your path for a reason, everyone contributes something, how fun or how painful it might be. I don’t hold a grudge to anyone, I am even in touch with some again after years of not being in touch. I love to see people that I spend special moments with years ago and hearing/seeing how they are doing now. I also feel very strongly about quantity versus quality. I might not see you for a year, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. If it feels good at the moments that we do see each other or speak to each other, it is perfect for me! Despite that, I love to stay in touch, even if it’s a quick text or phone call.

A nice example is that after our first 1,5 years here we made our first trip to Holland as a family. Most of you know that I very much like to be in control of pretty much everything lol. And that I like to plan. And so I did, I planned the whole trip as we wanted to see so many people. (Safe to say that we were absolutely EXHAUSTED after that trip and we never did it like that again.) But what I want to say is that I felt very strongly that I wanted to have a dinner date with 5 old co-worker-friends. I was still in touch with all of them individually, one more than the other. But we always had so much fun together that I felt like spending an evening with them. But I also felt like I should visit others (like family) over them. I ended up doing a lot in that week as mentioned because I wanted to visit everyone who wanted to see us and that we wanted to see. The times after that when I visited, I didn’t do that anymore. I planned dates with who I wanted and I didn’t break my head around everyone's own planning anymore. If it worked out it was great, if not bummer. What I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter how often you talk to someone, if you have a great time and you leave with a good feeling, then it is worth doing it!

Another story worth sharing is my other, very special friend, that anticipated very well to us leaving, right from the start. She tried very hard not to become friends with me. To be honest, she literally said to me that she liked me very much but if I was leaving in two years she couldn’t be friends because then she would have to say good bye. It didn’t work out for her, we became very close😊 and I am still so very happy about that. And I don’t regret our move here by an inch, it brought us so so much. Not only the wonderful friendships that I know will stay a lifetime, but all the relationships I made here. The teachers and other staff at school that started to feel like co-workers the past three years of me being President, the parents in town that we meet on so many different occasions, all the children at school, our neighbors and Erik’s co worker and his wife who feel like family. It is insane and amazing how many wonderful people we have met here.

Someone at facebook in a group for women that live around the world asked this morning what all of us women living in other countries have learned in their new communities and what they embrace. I spend some time thinking about that this morning and one of the first things I wrote down is that people stand up for each other here in Raynham. If something bad happens everyone helps, I loved experiencing that here! And volunteering that is so much more normal here then I experienced in Holland before. I love the giving culture that I really had to get used to. I think I have always been very giving, but here it is so much more. Teaching our kids that you have to put effort in friendships, that it doesn’t always just come for nothing (that might just be me though, I would've thought them that regardless where they grow up). Thanking people with little gestures, showing respect for others. And the hugs that are so much more normal here than it was with me growing up in Holland. The "I love you" that sounds so much better then the “Ik hou van je!” in Holland and the hug that feels so much better then the handshake or the three kisses on the cheeks like we do in Holland. The respect that children learn to have in school, for their teachers, for the other staff and for their peers. I loved to see all those things over the years here.

But mostly what I love about our time here is what I learned about myself. Me being as outgoing and enthusiastic as I am, has not always been beneficial. I have heard often that I should tone it down when I was younger. Not everyone likes the extravert in me as much, which is ok as I can’t like everyone either and that is all ok. But one of the things I have learned over the past years is that I am not only an Extravert, I'm an Extravert and an Introvert. I need alone time and down time as much as I thrive on time with others. This is something that Corona made easier for me but also living in Amerika did that before Corona even hit. I found that it was a lot harder to do that in Holland when we were still there. Now I have learned that about myself, I plan to make sure I take more time for myself when back in Holland. I also know that that will be a lot harder, especially after I start working again when we are back. But I love that I have learned so much about myself. I know that I want to keep on giving, there are so many people that don’t have it as good as we do and I love the pay it forward culture that goes around here in Raynham. I am planning on doing more of that when back in Holland. I hope to find a place to go on volunteering my time, I'm sure I will find something that will fit but I have no idea yet. I also am not gonna rush it. We will take the time to land and to acclimate.

Only last Thursday we found out that the new school from Nynke will have an introduction day on July 7th. She will meet her classmates, her mentor and other teachers and have a tour around her new school (In Holland you start Highschool around 12, so it is a whole new adventure). As we were planning to fly out on the 9th it feels silly that she will have to miss it over just a few days. So that has made us decide to leave a week earlier, most likely on July 3rd. That way not only Nynke can start her year off as best as possible, but also Pim will be having 1,5 weeks in his new class before summer vacation will start. We are sure they will adapt regardless of this all, but it might help make some new friends before the 6 week summer vacation. That will be nice!

So that means we are down to 20 weeks - 2 days. The count down has started!

XO