Happy Halloween

Oktober 31st, Halloween! And almost 4 months since we left the States and started our new life in Holland. Crazy how fast the time went by, even though it felt really slow in a whole other way.

Sorry for not posting so long. I have tried, believe me….There were a few days every week that I thought: “Tomorrow if anything, I will at least write a blogpost”. And then the next day came and went by without doing it. Sometimes the reason was that I was busy because Boy, so many things to take care of and arrange and all with the move, but also lots of days came and went and I didn’t do much. Or at least it didn’t feel like much:-(. But if I think of it, one of the main reasons to not sit down and write at the moments that I felt “kind of good”, was to not start feeling worse again. Because FULL DISCLOSURE: I have not been doing well at all the past few months. I wrote a little bit about it already in my last post, but that was end of August and the idea was that that was very normal as it had only been short of 2 months then. Yes I have had good days, thank goodness, but the bad days were bad to be honest. And complaining does sometimes help, but most of the time it makes me feel worse. Also because having some friends struggle big time with some family things, a friend battle cancer herself and having another friends son battling Leukemia does help to put things into perspective.

And also, I don’t think it is much fun for anyone to open this blog and to only read about how bad things are going all the time. Its not only me that is struggling, we actually all are. We’ve reached the point that we are getting help and time helps as well, but this road is harder than we anticipated. The last blog I wrote it seemed like the kids were doing great, but with the start of school and things starting to be more "normal" it went downwards.

One of the things that helps is to realize that our start in America in 2017 was not pretty either. To be hit by 2 cars of the road on the 93 only about 3 hours after arriving in the USA is not what we called the best start to our new adventure. And that made our start very hard to be honest, but we did it! There have been times those first few months there that we thought maybe going back would be the best thing to do. But we didn't, thank goodness. We pulled through and we will tackle this change as well. Over the past few months lots of things happened, to much to write about (or to even remember everything, which is probably best anyway). One thing that is very nice to realize is that we are a strong team and we can conquer a lot together.

But this weekend was good! I could even say GOOD! Pim had a weekend away with his Track-team (or athletics team) and Nynke had a sleepover with a friend and stayed with grandma and grandpa today. Erik and I wanted to go away for the weekend for a little us-time, but we changed our plans as so much needed to be done at the house. So we stayed in (which was a good idea as the weather turned out to be awful) and worked on so many things. Yesterday we mainly cleaned out stuff and today I cleaned the stairs, doors and so much more. We bought new lighting for the living room and I did a ton of administration. We were supposed to go out to dinner last night but it was so awful outside that we ordered in and enjoyed a few episodes of our favorite series on Netflix.

We have decided this week that we are gonna stay in our house here for the coming few years. We will evaluate when Pim goes to highschool in a few years. The market is so insane at the moment still and it gives us and the kids some peace to know that we will just stay here. We know this place and we love our neighbors that have been nothing but wonderful since we came back. We also decided to make some adjustments on the house to make it nice and pretty and just a place to feel home again. This really helped me especially and I have the feeling it helped Erik too. As I said, I haven’t felt this good since before leaving, I am hopeful to keep this positive vibe, but I do realize everything will still need more time. It stays one day at a time or even one step at a time at the moment and that is ok. I still miss my friends in Amerika so much but we are looking forward to hopefully visit in the summer of 2022!

For now, time to go to bed as last night was a late night and tomorrow a very busy week will start with lots of appointments with doctors and PT etc. Now only to get my body to cooperate as well!

To be continued…hopefully sooner than last time!

The struggle is real

Week 4

And another two weeks have passed almost. Time is going by so quickly its really scary. We have 4,5 weeks of summer vacation left here before school starts. At the moment the weather is awful, so that doesn’t help. Also most people are on vacation so the kids are kind of bored. Especially Nynke as Pim is swimming every morning this week.

What busy weeks we’ve had. My back has been a lot better since a week ago. I can do everything again so that takes a lot of stress of of it (literally). Also (and most important) I have been feeling more like myself again. Ive been talking to several friends on the phone, both here and in Amerika and it is so nice to get energy from that again.

Erik is back to work since this week again, but before that we (or he) did so much. The floor on our first floor has been replaced by Erik and looks beautiful, he has put together quite an impressive bed for Pim. Several walls in bedrooms have been painted, the study is almost finished (at least good enough for Erik to be able to work in it). Nynke has a new closet for her clothes, a nice desk, hammock chair and yesterday her new boxspring arrived. So safe to say that she is real happy.

We are still trying to get rid of several furniture pieces, like our couch. Because last Friday Pim and I went to the Seats and Sofas store after dinner and found this awesome couch in a Petrol color. It is comfortable and pretty, but quite the color though. I really liked it so we all hopped on our bikes in the morning to try it out and to show Erik and Nynke. Long story short, 3 hours later it was in our living room and it still makes me so happy to see it everytime I walk through the door.

My mom called and asked if we found something, I avoided the question by asking if they wanted to come by to have a coffee. That was fun, they liked it very much too. I LOVE color as most of you know and this is soooo pretty! We could’ve gone for a more neutral color, which Erik wanted at first, but that way we would’ve had to wait for 8-12 weeks (they say it can even be more these days). And now more then ever, I feel like having a change in things in our house here. Not sitting on the couch and seeing everything in the livingroom exactly as we left it 4 years ago.

Another thing I am enjoying SO SO much are the flowers. It started with being treated to lots of flowers upon arrival from family and friends, and even receiving a beautiful arrangement from our wonderful American friends on my birthday!!!! I have not been without flowers since arriving. Last night I bought two wonderful plants with beautiful flowers for only 4 euro (for the two of them). LOVING IT!!!

The food is a whole other story. You’ve been asking me about it, how different is it? Lets say, I have been eating crap (think cookies, cakes, candy that we don’t have in America) but all together I have been feeling so much better because we eat pretty healthy for the rest here. Lots of vegetables and the bread is so yummie, we eat bread for breakfast with lots of delicious toppings and in the afternoon for lunch. No more discussions with the kids about what to eat for lunch (pizza, nuggets, I want MD, sushi etc etc), it is clear what we eat here. And we still can’t get enough of the different kinds of breads.

Pim is swimming his *** off this week and is very tired after, but he is rocking it. He loves doing it but its hard work. Every morning he starts with his swimshort on, long jeans, long sleeve shirt, water shoes and a rain coat. The first few laps are fully dressed like that, and that is hard work. After that they learn how to swim about 20 ft under water and they have to swim through a hole. And so much more than that. Friday we will see if he can pass his exam.

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Week 8

Fast forwarding another 4 weeks, its been 8 weeks today since we said goodbye to Raynham. To say that it has been to long since I’ve posted a blog is an understatement:-(.

I started writing this blog four weeks ago and as you’ve seen, I’ve never got around to finish it and post it. The reason for this is that I haven’t been doing well☹. After my back got better I was able to do more in and around the house and I felt like I was getting a lot better, but suddenly it hit me bad, I could only feel sad and was struggling through every day. I didn't feel like seeing anyone, nor talking to anyone, not here in Holland and not in Raynham and that made me even more sad as that is nothing like me. We had been told by others who had done a move back to their home country that moving back is way harder than moving away, so we knew that could happen. Unfortunately it hit pretty hard regardless. It took a few weeks, mostly for me, and since last week I’ve been feeling a lot better than before. I’m definitely not there yet, but I will get there, I’m positive of that!

In the meantime, the kids are doing awesome, thank goodness!! They are enjoying their new bikes that they got from my parents and head out every day, only to come back for food or drinks pretty much. One of the reasons that I’ve been struggling is probably also that I have had to cut the umbilical cord with my kids pretty fast. It feels like I had to go from 0-1000 in about 3 seconds. I had them around me pretty much 24/7 as that goes in Amerika and now they leave the house in the morning, no idea where to and they come back when they please (well, also on time if we tell them a time). Riding on their bicycles without a helmet (as that is not custom here) and Nynke even goes to the pool in the gym (around 10 minute bikeride from here) by herself. Also I can send her for groceries when needed (that is a big plus though).

If it was up to Pim, he would’ve gone to school by bike by himself on day 2. (might I say that they normally grow into traffic rules here, but ofcourse as he was 5 when we left, he doesn't know any of those rules. He thinks he knows enough though, as a 9 yo being very stubborn). I was able to tell him he wasn’t allowed to yet, but now school is starting tomorrow, I am afraid that I’m gonna have to let him go by himself, which scares the hell out of me to be totally honest. Nynke on the other hand will go to highschool, starting this coming Tuesday and she will have to ride her bike for 10-15 minutes to get there, rain or shine even when snow. That is how we role in Holland😊.

The kids are excited to go to school and a little anxious. Today we have spent some time covering Nynke’s books for school so they won’t get damaged. That is a common thing that pretty much everyone does in Holland before starting school every year (only in highschool though).

We had a pretty crappy summer, weather wise, but I understood that Raynham also wasn’t great. Lots of rain and low temperatures, pretty much max temps of 68 degrees….blegh! That didn’t help feeling happy either.

Despite that, the kids were able to have a pretty fun summer we think. Sleepovers with grandparents and cousins and friends and there were lots of activities planned in town. Pim went to a tennis clinic, he did biking and practicing stunting with a scooter. Also went to a 3 day summer camp where they did all fun stuff outdoors. Nynke just went on an overnight Just girls camp and we picked her up yesterday. She had tons of fun and even though it was weird not having her around, it was also nice to have a little time apart from each other after such an intense 1,5 years together.

Erik is doing ok. He is struggling in his own way. Trying to figure out a work routine, partly from home, partly from the office. He misses biking in beautiful Amerika, even though biking here and exploring new things is fun too. We are both missing Amerika and our friends very much. It feels so different here, but if you would ask us how different, it is very hard to explain. It is mostly a feeling:-(.

We haven’t been seeing a lot of people yet, partly because of being busy and partly because I just can’t yet. Everything is a lot. And we are confident that we will get there, but it is def a big adjustment. Silly things as trying to get the car new plates when it arrives, took me hours to try to make appointments etc. We had to go to Utrecht to get our Vaccinations checked and registred as we have a Corona app here which you need to show if you travel to other countries and/or if you want to visit a concert orso. As we got our vaccin in Amerika that is not enough, they need to check it and approve before we can use the app. And so many more of those kind of things like insurance stuff, issues with our internet/TV company etc...

Starting school, getting routing, finally getting our container with our belongings after 12 weeks and a new (potentially much more comfortable bed) that will arrive on September 16 will def all help with the adjustment. The kids also both picked a few sports to try out and al of that will be starting this coming week as well, so that means we will have a few busy weeks ahead of us. The good thing is that it will all be in a certain routine, which our family needs very much in daily life. We don’t do well without routine in general, so I’m looking forward to that.

I have spent this morning make a week meal and we have decided to go out to dinner tonight with the 4 of us to mark this day as the last day of a very crazy and hectic period. And to kick of to a new period where we hopefully all will blossom again! We stay positive, also as much as possible throughout the moments that some of us find that very hard.

We moved to Amerika, not knowing anyone, the kids not speaking the language and we thrived, all of us! Now we’ve got this….We just need a little time to get there!!!

We miss you all in Amerika!!!

2 Weeks back

Two weeks ago today, we arrived back home in Holland. To be very honest, it doesn’t feel like home yet. Yes it is great to see our family again and yes it feels “normal”, everything works on the automatic pilot as we say in Holland, but it just doesn’t seem right yet.

The kids are finding their way though. They made a bunch of friends already here in the area and are outside pretty much all day, every day! That really is a huge change, and a good one per our opinion. The best part of it is that they do it al themselves. They have a house key, I don’t have to drive them anywhere, they ride their bikes everywhere. Pim has been begging us to let him go to school by himself since the second day as he sees friends do it. This mom needs a little more time to adjust and let go. Pffff….I feel I’m going from 1 to 100 in about 3 seconds. The last day of school we agreed, we went first and after 5 minutes Pim would go by himself. He did great! At the busy road he got of his bike and looked both ways before crossing the street! We are very proud of him, but I am very happy that I have another 6 weeks to adjust to the idea of him going to school and coming home by himself.

Lol, while I am writing this I can only imagine what my American friends are thinking about this. It makes me laugh thinking how you guys are rolling your eyes and probably cannot believe I am this far already after only two weeks lol. Back in America the idea of having them go out by themselves literally made me sick to my stomach. Funny though how easy it is to let it happen here. The kids are blossoming and thriving on the level of responsibility they are getting. Nynke loves going to the supermarket to get some groceries for me, and the best part for her was being able to buy me a birthday present all by herself last week. And she did an awesome job!

Going back to the beginning of arriving here. On Sunday, after our family left, we tried to unpack the suitcases which took quite some time. After we had some delicious homemade soup that my mom put in the fridge, we went to bed early. Pim actually was so exhausted that he fell asleep on the couch and after we tried to wake him up (which made him fall back asleep 3 times in different places in the house), we decided to put him to bed. Around 7:30 pm, when Nynke and I went to bed, we finally were able to wake him up and give him something to eat too. He didn’t go to bed until about midnight after that, but slept until about 8 the next day. He didn’t have any issues with a jetlag it seemed.

On Monday morning my dad brought their car so we could go to townhall to get registered. We had made that appointment two months ago already as there is a waiting list. Everything went smoothly and we went back home. On Tuesday morning Pim went to school for the first time. Summer vacation started July 16th here, so there were two weeks left. We had decided to let Pim go to school because he was scared he wouldn’t be able to make any friends in Holland and he was really anxious. We thought it would be better to have him meet his class and his teachers for next year so it wouldn’t be a long 8 weeks until the new schoolyear would start. It worked out exactly the way we expected. It was a little scary at first, but he made friends on the first day and had kids come over to play right away. Now he is not scared for next year anymore, there will be 2 new kids next year, and he won't be the new kid anymore.

Nynke had her introduction day at her highschool Wednesday afternoon. After half an hour in her class they found out she was placed in the wrong class. So she was picked up and brought to the new class in which her old friend from her elementary school was placed as well. She couldn’t be happier. She really liked the other kids in the class as well, so that is great to hear! And we were happy too as there are only 23 kids in the class.

Meanwhile Erik and I went to pick out a new bed and we found a real nice one. Unfortunately it wont be delivered until half September, but we were kind of prepared for that. We also picked out a bed for Nynke and for Pim we had to search a little further. He is quite specific in what he wants and we couldn’t find that right away.

We went to Ikea to pick out a new floor for our bedrooms and study. Erik worked real hard for 3 days and it is all done. Also, we found Pim a high bed with a closet built in and a desk under it. Erik finished it yesterday and it looks awesome. Pim couldn’t be happier. Now the only thing it needs is his stuffed animals and blankies etc from Amerika. We need a bit more patience for that as it is still on the boat and it can take up to half September for that to arrive. So patience it is.

I am trying to think about all the other things that we have done, but it is practically all around the house. We did a lot but also not much. We haven’t seen anyone yet. I had my birthday, but I didn’t celebrate that, I will do that after the vacation maybe.

When I think about it now, Nynke did have some fun things. She had a sleep over at her grandma and grandpa's house and spend the day with her grandma and cousin, who is also going to highschool, to buy a new bagpack. Grandma bought them both one, took them to lunch and they got to pick out some other school supplies. She had a lot of fun. Also, Nynke was invited by one of her friends here to come and see her old class perform their end musical on stage, that was so fun as well.

We went to sign up at the library, and the kids are exploring the neighborhood playgrounds, which we have many off. Next week Pim is getting swimminglessons, his C-diploma. That will be 5 days from 8:45-12 om, with a graduation party (if he graduates) on Friday. He is very much looking forward to that. Also he is going to an indoor playground with his friend Sam (was his birthdaypresent) and he has a sleepover with his two cousins next week at grandma and grandpa's. Lots of fun things ahead of us!

To be very honest, I haven’t been feeling myself lately. Which of course is not really weird considering the situation, but it is hard for me as I don’t really recognize myself. My feelings go from left to right and up and down really. I love my friends, both here and in Amerika so much, but I haven’t felt like I wanted to call or text or do anything really. We are very busy working at the house and Erik only has one week left of his vacation before he has to start working again. So we are in our cocoon right now, but we will be out soon, I’m sure, we are getting there but need some time. I can’t really think of what else to write about right now. More to follow soon!

PS1: a bunch of you have left a message on this blog. Unfortunately I cannot see who the messages are from as WIX doesnt show me. So if you are writing something, can you please write your name as well? And if you did, can you let me know so I can respond to you? Thanks!

PS2: Pictures will follow soon. Haven't been able to upload them yet.

XO